We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
