I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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