I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
