I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
