70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
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