i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I need moral support for this bender
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
