when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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