Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
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