AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
