i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
