Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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