Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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