you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
