I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
