over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
