I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
