On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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