so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
