You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
