i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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