just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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