Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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