the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
