apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
