Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
