exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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