wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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