Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
