guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
