it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
