a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
