how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
