just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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