Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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