Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
