DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
