Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
