What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
