shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
