I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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