Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
