Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
