I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
