Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
