you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
