I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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