So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Couch. On fire.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
