All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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