it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
