I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
