Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
no you cant smoke seaweed
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
