distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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