that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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