Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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