he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I need to stop coming to work sober
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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