what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I deserve this hangover.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
